Tuesday, April 21, 2009

How to Write Good Ad Copy: Let Someone Else Write it for You

My day job is write ad copy, so I know it ain't always easy to craft stuff that'll grab attention and speak well of a product. Still, I had to crap on the advertising for Southland after seeing one of its early ads. It's getting good ratings for the moment (being in the time slot after 30 Rock doesn't hurt) so maybe the show is better than its advertising. The show's reviews are generally positive, and the NBC advertising folks have been smart enough to let someone else's advertising speak for them. Now that it's called "Don't-Blink TV" thanks to Randee Dawn's review from the Hollywood Reporter, maybe some NBC advertising lunkheads won't get in trouble. They certainly should after initially picking the worst dialogue from the show and wrapping it up in a cloying, overblown, swelling-music ad package. At least they were astute enough to see someone else doing better advertising than they were and to spread that pilfered catchphrase on the video section of the show's site. I won't be able to watch much TV for the next few years (having children tends to fill a schedule), so I'll just hope that the reviews are deserved, because it's a terrible thing when poor advertising kills something that's genuinely good. The show-killing ad execs at NBC would be wise to offer Randee Dawn a job for crafting their ad campaign for them.

Monday, April 13, 2009

How to Become Beloved by Baseball Fans When You Don't Play Much (UPDATED)

Do something like this...


(Sorry if the link dies. YouTube is run by Cardinals fans and depraved, self-centered exhibitionists; that's a redundant statement, I know. UPDATE: Sure enough, the link died. However, you may still be able to see the video here, but mlb.com has some video issues. Something this awesome should be much easier to see.)

Unless he becomes a pitcher and blows three saves in a row, Reed Johnson can now get away with just about anything. It was great fun listening the Show That Will Blow Your Pants Off afterwards and hear Nick say that Reed just blew everyone's pants off. Week one of Baseball is done. Good start. More Bipolar Disorder to come.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

What Grad School Taught Me: Shut Up!

I had a lovely time in grad school earning my Master's in English, the second most useless degree for making a living after my B.A. in theater. I figured I would just read a lot of pretty stories and then talk about them, plus I'd hopefully learn how to actually write something. But there was one major drawback. A lot of the required reading (Lacan, Foucault, Derrida, etc.) and all of the classroom dialogue tried waaaaay too hard to sound intelligent. An English degree, outside of teaching, is essentially useless in almost any business sense. So many academic writers try to offset their lack of useful skill by writing with big words and complex sentences, essentially putting up a language smokescreen that sounds important but ultimately is the same, simple message heard in other arenas. See how long it took me to say, "People talk big to avoid looking small?" I can be as bad as those I rail on. I'm working on curbing my verbosity. Honestly. But I gotta kick my vodka tonic habit first.

Anyway, I was very intimidated when I first went into graduate school because people were speaking English and I couldn't understand a word they said. They also used important metaphors for criticism like "The Gaze" and seeing life through a "[Insert critical theory] Lens" or some such crapola. Granted, it's very, very, very, very, very intelligent. It's cool to think about examining Queer Theory through a Marxist Lens using the Everyman Gaze. It's also mind-numbing. Most of all, it's inefficient thinking. It took me a little while to learn this and I'm still trying to put myself into efficient use of English in spoken and written form.

This is why I like busting the balls of inefficient writing, like the ad for the show replacing ER. First, I love sharing the chuckle-inducing text. Second, I get to be a massive hypocrite. I can indulge myself in the vice I criticize. Unlike the work I do for a living, busting the balls of bad language gives license to scribble. See? I'm already on my twenty-sixth line before getting to my point. My day job is to write ad copy that's quick, easy and attractive. I can't wax on, provide details or be the language blowhard I've been trained to be. My day job is good for me. It helps me learn to shut up more, which is what I should have been learning in grad school. Other stuff I work on (like the Dinosaur Novel/Stage Play for the Factory) needs to be like ad copy: slick and to the point. That work will boil down to the point of studying English or any language: be understood. I'll shut up now.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Baseball! And...SNOW?!

At long last, Baseball Season is here. Chicago winter refuses to let go, however, as we got about an inch point five of slush. Par for the Chicago course, of course. Yes, I've moped several times about our weather. Guilty. Yes, the people in California and other constant climates are laughing, enjoying their warmth. That's fine. Those having a one-dimensional existence in California beg for days like today so they can justify the silly, overpriced place they live. Okay, you got yer day. I'll be laughing for months when the Chicago Spring feels so good and California is still smoggy, superficial, and fake.

So yeah, slush on Opening Day sucks, but it's part of living in Chicago. We got three inches last Saturday and it was gone by Monday. Same thing will happen this week. Good buddy Chas (a fellow Factory Blogger) reminded a lot of folks that we have gotten snow in Chicago much later than this. We deal with it. Hell, it was snowing on April 17, 2005 when I had my best ever seats at Wrigley seven rows up on the first base line. But now that Baseball is here, Spring will inevitably be here too. Meanwhile, there's ways to keep warm. It's all in the layering. Life in Chicago, unlike other places, has layers. Variety is tough, but worth it. Go Baseball and warm weather. Any minute now...

Thursday, April 02, 2009

That's the Best you Could Write?

I was in college when ER started. I remember it clearly because I was following Michael Crichton's (RIP) works having loved Jurassic Park. ER was played in the bar all the time at the pizza joint I worked. I watched it some the first year, but never watched after I moved to Chicago unless someone I knew was a guest star, which happened less than five times. So tonight, I'm watching the finale of a show I don't like that much but respect for its longevity. Thinking that a show lasting 15 friggin years would go out with a bang, I figured I'd take a look.

The finale wasn't a bang, but the real thud came from the advertisements for ER's replacement. It's pretty much an automatic death to take the spot of something that's been successful for so long. Anyone remember what replaced M.A.S.H., Happy Days, Cheers, or Friends? Didn't think so. NBC's marketing department poured a little more poison on the show starting the replacement show ad thusly: "As one great drama ends, another takes its place." This forces the replacement show to measure up to its predecessor's success, but the real marketing suicide happened in the dialogue chosen for the ad:

"You're a cop because you don't know how not to be one."

Hwa-ba-da-HUH?

Now I'm guilty of being verbose and nonsensical but come on. What's worse is that someone wrote that for TV, then someone else thought that was a great way to advertise the show, and no one stopped them. Too bad. I know some things in the marketing world can't be stopped and there are plenty of unstoppably bad ideas that somehow get approved. Maybe the show is actually good. Those involved better hope the marketing department just didn't promote the show well, because here's the final kicker: I can't even remember the name of the show that's replacing ER. The crap-ass dialogue was the only thing that made an impression on me. Best of luck.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Spring Choppingly Heads This Way

Baseball Season is almost here. Almost. It's one of the many things I look forward to during the winter, along with the first sun dress and tank top I see; signs of warmth and sun sticking around. I will masochistically be following the Cubs again with high hopes. I do love them despite (or is it because of?) the pain they give. I registered for my place in line for season tickets about a year ago and I have moved up to 81,562. Yes!!!

Spring is my favorite time for it's rejuvenation and reawakening. With a one year-old running around and a sibling due to arrive soon, I need all the reawakening I can get. I hope to be writing more about sun and grass soon. In the mean time, I'm reading the Factory Theater Blog and going to see Mop Top Festival, which I'm proud to have been a part of behind the scenes. The writing for the other blog has slowed, but hopefully Mike and I will pick that up again eventually. No promises since he's also expecting a child, but we'll see.

Now back to my dinosaur novel (in between writing scintillating copy for marketing)...